School is still good. This semester is Criminal Law. Tough as shit but it's really interesting. GPA is still down, it's a 3.2 and that's killing me. Such a dang perfectionist.....
Brits doing well. Stable and making it through every day. She has so many more good days now than bad.
She went to her JR prom last weekend and yes, I cried all day. I had a close friend in town who actually changed the flight so that I wouldn't be crying over both of them in one day. What an act of love right?
Work is still difficult. I keep asking for debriefing sessions after a crisis and it's looked at like I'm asking for the moon. F'en hell. We push for our customers to talk, to journal, to not stuff their feelings, to work through their sh**. Yet, as staff, we are there day in and day out, listen to the sh**, take all sorts of verbal abuse day after day, care for them and their kids, witness and break up the fights... and the list of hell goes on and on. Yet, as staff, we only have each other. We get caught talking about it and we can get written up. Who do we talk to? Who do we defuse with? Were supposed to abide by HIPAA so how do we get through?
We were heard joking about a really stressful incident last week and we got talked to for our attitudes! WTF?! Really? We were in the staff office. closed doors. no customers anywhere around. we were talking amongst ourselves. But were not allowed to talk about any of the situations we experience?
It makes people like walking talking time bombs.
For the most part, I REALLY enjoy what I do. I enjoy my career. But I do not like be
treated like a robot and a person who is supposed to remain unwavering through
stressful situations. I have never lost it in front of my clients. Never. But
after a crisis, like ANY human, I need to de-brief. Just as do my co-workers.
But were not allowed. One clinical manager said that is what our weekly
team meeting is for, yet we have never been able to utilize that time as a
debriefing session. As “counselors” aren’t we supposed to be allowed the same courtesy
so that we can be the most effective supports we can be.
F’en hell.
Sheila and I made it to the gym, once last week. I keep pushing too much and my knee kills the next day. I miss going every day. It was euphoric for me. My body felt so much better. I would still go every day if it weren't for this damn knee. September cant come soon enough so I can have my complete new knee. I know it's going to be hell recuperating but it's sooooo going to be worth it!
Ok, here's the juicy crap. :-) took long enough to build up to right? I've had a few dates. :-)) yes, mostly with the same person!!! ha ha
But....... shit. nevermind. I'm not ready to dump it, all. I do feel like I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. We've known each other for years. But there is always a catch isn't there???
The other night with this person was amazing. The way we talk and connect. The feel of electricity when our skin touches. The sparkle in our eyes when we share a secret moment. But then also knowing that the moment wont last forever.
I've loved this person for a long while. I don't know how this is going to work any time soon though. I know where I am. I also know where this person is at and that I cannot make a person change their own circumstances.
I hate feeling like I am on the back burner.
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